Bear with one another.

Our God is a communal God.

He has always been in community, through the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

He created community in the Garden of Eden, giving Adam a helper as he said ‘it is not good for man to be alone’.

He lived in community when he came to earth as a man, surrounding himself with the 12 disciples.

And He wants us to live in community, evidenced endlessly in scripture.  Six of the Ten Commandments address interpersonal relationships, countless verses speak to how to we ought to treat others, and when Christ sent His disciples to call on neighboring towns to repent, he sent them out in pairs, not alone.

Yet, because I know God desires community for me, I often slip into thinking that friendships or community will be easy.  I’m quick to believe that if friendships aren’t easy then something is amiss – that some fatal flaw must be confronted or that maybe the friendship just isn’t the right fit (after all, being a Christian doesn’t implicate you into being best friends with everyone). 

When a potential friend ‘fails’ me, whether by their insecurities, insensitivities, or inconveniences, my default reaction is to write this person off and keep my distance.  Not wanting to pay the emotional toll this person may require, I save my energies for another friend who will cost me less, give me more, and preserve my faulty ideas of what loving my neighbor really means.  My litmus test for friendship has too often been a test of personal comfort and convenience, which is sad and narrow-minded given God’s rich desires for community.

But scripture reminds me otherwise.  Though comfort with those around us has meaningful benefits, often paving the way for vulnerability, honesty, and confession, it is not the sole metric by which to define a successful friendship.  Somewhat unsurprisingly, God’s commentary on community not only fails to guarantee personal comfort but suggests that successful community will often threaten our personal comfort.

In Matthew 22, Jesus says that to ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ is one of the most important commandments, second only to ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind’

Philippians 2:3 calls believers not simply to treat others well, but ‘in humility consider others more significant than yourselves’

Romans 12:10 says to outdo one another in showing honor.

Treating others well is a core component of the Christian faith.  But there’s more.  Colossians and Ephesians both take this a step further.

Written by Paul during his imprisonment to members of the early church, Colossians and Ephesians both instruct Christians on how they ought to live in light of their newfound salvation.  Both books call believers to adopt Christlike virtues such as humility, patience, and gentleness. But Paul follows these predictable instructions with an additional call: ‘bear with one another’. 

Epehsians 4:1-2 says: I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, ² with all humility and gentleness, with  patience, bearing with one another in love, ³ eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 

Colossians 3:12-13 says: ¹² Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, ¹³ bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive

The first portions of these texts, with their directives of humility, gentleness, and kindness, are the easy parts.  Though we will fall short, the impetus to at least try to exhibit these attributes is a palatable one.  Being humble, gentle, or kind often feels like a decision all my own, independent of how others treat me.

But the latter half of these scriptures, Paul’s addition to bear with one another, is harder to swallow.  Because, baked into ‘bear with one another’ is the acknowledgment that people can be difficult, but we must love them anyway.  The failure of others should not inhibit our own kindness, humility, patience, or gentleness.

This term, ‘bearing with’ comes from the Greek work “anecho” which is also translated as endure or suffer.  Strong’s exhaustive Bible concordance defines this as ‘put up with’ and in the gospels, Jesus uses this same word when he asks rhetorically ‘O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you?  How long am I to bear with you?’ after he finds his disciples squabbling with scribes and unable to cast a demon out of a young boy (Mark 9:19).  Anecho not only portrays endurance – it indicates a repetitive, emotional toll that wearies us.

We don’t ‘bear with’ things that are enjoyable – like perfect service at a restaurant or a kindly spoken word.  Bearing with implies not only effort, but recurring effort: consistent patience with a friend whose lateness makes us feel deprioritized, gentleness with a peer whose direct words have come out harshly yet again, humility with a colleague who always seems to make everything about her and her seemingly perfect life.  Bearing with is not a one-time deposit of emotional energy, but a daily tax.  It’s a pattern of repetitive grace, for which I must reserve an allowance or I’ll come up short every time.

As difficult as this is, I’m convinced Paul knew what he was doing when he wrote these words.  He knew that despite our best efforts, we would need others to bear with us.  He knew we would need to be told to bear with one another because forgiveness and grace are rarely our immediate reactions when another person frustrates us.  And I believe he also knew that in bearing with one another, there would be great gifts for God’s people.  Because community serves many purposes beyond the exclusive personal comfort that I have often been guilty of seeking. 

Community sanctifies us.  As we interact with others, flaws and all, we often inadvertently shed light on our own imperfections.  Whether their accomplishments make us feel inferior, their quirks annoy us, or their encouragement disarms us and pushes us to be better, community is a tool used by God to illuminate pieces of us that could be more like Him.

Community illustrates God’s love in a way no individual can do alone.  The act of loving all those around us (not just the likable people) unconditionally is a witness to those outside the church of the power of Christ.  Similarly, being unconditionally loved by others helps us more fully understand God’s immense love for us.

Finally, community enriches our understanding of the gospel and of God – as we interact with people with different life experiences, we see new pieces of God’s character and gain fresh perspectives on his ways.  Our own story with God is just one dot on his beautiful tapestry.

Community can do all these things and more, but only if we let it.  May we learn to bear with one another so God’s rich purposes for community can be realized in our lives.

I pray that Paul’s words would be a reminder for us to enter into our relationships, our days, into Bible studies and coffee chats with an emotional allowance prepared so we may give grace to those on the other side of the table.